Stalker

Have you ever liked someone so much that you voluntarily update yourself with what’s happening with them? It maybe because you liked the way they walk, talk, dress, act. They maybe actors, models, authors or maybe a friend?

Technology made it easy for
stalkers to stalk. We have facebook, twitter, blogs and whatnot. Whatever it is, i believe the creators of those social networking sites, didnt intend  it to be a channel to stalk. There are just some  people who cannot distinguish the difference between, following and  stalking.

I have blogs that i follow, one of them is Divine Lee. She’s the most fabulous becky I ever knew, not personally but everything about her is truly divine.

Others are food, fashion and travel blogs like Goop by Gwyneth Paltrow, its like being close to a celebrity.

Anyway, stalking isn’t bad until you go beyond the normal. It’s okay to like people but don’t get obsessed. And lastly, life is good. Hang out with people. They can be fun too.

Self Analysis

 

Daughter,sister and aunt        

Woman                                 

 Friend                         

Team Leader

Student

 

I am Mary Edeza D. De Leon- 23 years old, 3rd of 7 siblings, eldest daughter of Alteza and Edgardo De Leon. I don’t remember much about my childhood and I don’t live in it so allow me start at the present time.  I was a Customer Service representative who promoted after a year as Team Leader/ Supervisor at Teletech Sta Rosa and I’m an employee there for almost 3 years now. I used to work in Makati for the same industry. And now, I went back to school after 5 years, shifting from BS Nursing to BS Psychology.

My definining moment or some call it turning point was when out of foolishness of being young, lack of guidance and support, I stow away from home when I tried so many times to tell my parents that I want to shift from Nursing to Journalism and they won’t allow me, what job will I get out of it? Will that take me abroad? And since my grandmother was the one paying for my tuition. I don’t have the liberty to choose what path to take- Otherwise, I have to pay for my own tuition fee.

I went away for a month and came back home to try and talk to them again. My grandmother was dissapointed, my parents were dead worried and I have no idea what will happen next. It’s when I turned to God which is very typical of us- we only turn to him when we’ve exhausted all options we know to solve our problems or to get away with it.

In the end, I knew I had to face it so I can get through it. I applied for a job in a fast food chain where I worked as a Party host- I almost got regularized but my grandmother gave me another chance. Which, thinking about it now, I should’ve taken more wisely but instead I was in a hurry. I’ve always been in a hurry, I always feel like I don’t have much time left. I wanted to achieve so much that if you mix lack of plan and poor execution, it always lead to disaster.

I took Medical transcription, I don’t know what happened. It was a total waste of money and time when you look at the practical side of it; I wasn’t able to practice it, I don’t have proof or certificate. However, I always believed that I may not be capable to pay my own tuition fee at that time, I experienced everything first hand and that is Education at its best and I promised myself to welcome every learning opportunity with open arms.

Through the Medtrans short course I was able to connect through Poets from UP Diliman, got to know people and learn from them. That’s Education for free but it doesn’t give me a proof that I can show employers, my family and even myself that I can. There’s still something missing.

I worked as a Production Assistant in an indie film production where I got exposed to the world of film making in its rawest form. I loved being part of it and I will always go back to it if given a chance. After that I joined LIRA (Linangan ng Imahe, Retorka at Anyo), a Filipino poetry workshop held in UP Diliman, founded by National Artist Rio Alma.

Those were the highlights of my far fetched writing career but it seems real. It felt near… So near that I can almost smell it. Until reality strikes. I needed money to continue with the workshop. I need to get a job because no one would give me money without sermon and shoving my mistakes right off of my face.

The next day, I applied for a job I saw online posted as: Gallery Attendant, sounds fun and new to me, I got hired and there I was touring a group of people, students and executives around SM Science Discovery Center where I stayed for 4 months. Yet again, when I was about to get regularized, a colleague of mine notices the way I speak, tone and diction and told me that I could pass a call center agent. It’s like some force is telling me not to settle for less.

I have very low self esteem at that time since I have high regard for education. I feel that I couldn’t compete with those who have degree but I tried anyway, we applied together. After a whole day of exam, interview and waiting. Finally, I got hired and he didn’t. I felt so bad knowing that my friend who speaks confidently and better english than I am, the company I got hired for is one of the top BPO company at the time – PeopleSupport in Makati and I got hired. I mean how cool is that? Getting hired made me feel good about myself.

That experience totally changed the way I understand, see and evaluate myself. I knew then that I have something, I am something- though I’m not sure what or who yet.

Call center industry taught me a lot about life; how to interact with different types of people, no matter what demographic, age, culture, educational background one has. It gave me self confidence I never knew I’ll have since I’m an undergraduate. It made me feel capable of doing and part of something bigger than myself. It showed me life at its truest, rawest, harshest view.

After 2 years and 4 months I went back here in Laguna and applied in Teletech where I got hired. I was an agent who only thinks about saving enough money to finish my studies- the one required and acceptable by society. My intention was never to fit in but to change my attitude about Education itself because we live in a third world country. It’s not like US where you don’t necessarily need to have degree to be what you want to be. And since I can’t do that here, I’ll have to conform to it. Just to satisfy its basic requirement.

However, in this very diverse career environment. Where nothing is permanent, where eveyrthing changes almost every 5 minutes. I was trained, molded and influenced by the only constant thing in my life as an agent- My TL Jerard Joson who unselfishly taught me everything he knows about Leadership. That changed my whole perspective about work, about my goals, about my dreams and life.

I know until now that I still want to be a writer but since I don’t have the diploma yet to prove that I am, I get as much experience as I can to broaden my vocabulary, reference, influence, inspiration and motivation to become a writer worth reading. 

I’m still not that confident because I can’t be too confident, that’s one of the things that I try to control so success won’t get to my head and prevent me from being open to learning. But I know now what I’m capable of doing, what my limitations are, I know myself better now. I compare myself to others in a positive way to help me improve, I always get feedback from others to see myself in a different view. I have a good sense of self worth, perception and concept that’s why people at work especially my agents trusts and respects me and it makes all the experiences, whether good or bad worth it.

 

Movie Analysis: A Chorus Line

 

 

A Chorus Line revolves around a Broadway show director who puts his singers and dancers through a gruelling audition process. Even though it’s a tough audition with many talented people to compete for the roles, they all wanted to be a part of it so badly not only because it was job for them but because of the one directing it – Zach, the director who’s known to be a great director.

From that scene alone, the Chorus line may not be the reason why some auditioned. It may be because of the “Source” or the one directing it. Someone who has great reputation in theatre and would produce a show where they might be known, just like what Peripheral Route in cognitive routes tell us- they are persuaded not because of the content but because of the source.The movie started with the audition where you will see how people strive to be a part of the show. There was no room for mediocrity in it and everyone should have their best foot forward otherwise they’ll get cut off from production.

You’ll observe the degree of motivation and self esteem on how they took failure and success when some are picked and some are not. Those who have low self esteem looks at others with envy and looks at themselves with inferiority when they start to compare themselves to other.

In this case Social Comparison is inevitable when faced in a situation full of people who has the same passion but different experience, age, gender, background and culture in which the casts is comprise of- from 17 to 30 years old; man, woman and gay, Puerto Rican, American, Black, Jew and so on.

This tends to develop self perception but if you have low self esteem (How you evaluate yourself), self schema (how you see yourself) and self efficacy (belief in your competency), this likely leads to giving up.

You’ll see how badly one wants to be part of it. Larry, the choreographer is the one responsible in pooling for the best dancers however and while the audition was ongoing, Cassie – former girlfriend of Zach and dancer who left him to go to Hollywood to become an actress came to audition and that’s where the past came flashing back.

There were large numbers of hopefuls audition, hoping to be selected but throughout the day, more and more people are eliminated, and the competition gets harder. Eventually, approximately a dozen dancers must compete for a few spots, each hoping to impress the director with their dancing skill. But this isn’t what Zach is looking for.

They were first asked to introduce themselves, their stage and real name, where they come from and their age. The first one asked about his background is Morales- when asked to tell about what’s not in her resume, what she can say about the Bronx she said that it’s just in the right side and what makes her start dancing she replied, “Who knows, we’re Puerto Rican, we jump around a lot” and “Of course, I want the job”. He said he will shake them up to know who they really are because their Self Presentation they did was to get sold, not to be known to fit to the roles the director had in mind.

Everyone stayed for the audition and started with Mike- who danced because of the influence of his sister who’s enrolled in a dance class and told himself that “He can do that” and started dancing. His character showed high self esteem and self efficacy that’s why he’s highly motivated and confident when asked about his back ground.

Bobby was asked about his family- his mother has a lot of card parties and father was part of a big company. He described himself to be strange, he told about his experiences as a child and student, his father didn’t know how to present him to the public that he was presented to have a polio, he thought about committing suicide but this would be in their town “redundant”. His experience made him who he was that day- striving to build his self esteem up.

Shiela was asked about his mother who lived a middle aged life. The red shoes- changed her life. Her mother married her father when she was 22 and it wasn’t a life of a picnic she said. This made her become the aggressive that she is. Everything was beautiful in the ballet- where she found happiness and herself. Bebe and Maggie shared the same sentiments about their families that ballet is the only escape they have. Dance basically brought their self worth back.

Mark talked about sex and his first wet dreams, others thought about theirs too. This is where Don told everyone that he’s gay and Richie sang “surprise” where he talked about his experience about sex.

Eventually, only 8 were picked for the production but those who weren’t picked didn’t come out sad. The whole experience taught them a lot about themselves that it boosts their Self Concept- understanding why they dance and who they dance for in the first place- which is for them not for other people regardless of their past. 

Dramaturgical Metaphor

‎”Blessed is he who has learned to admire but not envy, to follow but not imitate, to praise but not flatter, and to lead but not manipulate”

~ William Arthur Ward

 

I’m in the edge of giving up one of my dreams or set it aside for now. Not only was it hard to be a student every Tuesday and Thursday and Supervisor/ Team Leader for the rest of the week. I barely get enough rest. I don’t have the freedom every normal student has – Time.

There are journals that I cannot submit because I get drained by office works, coaching, listening to my agents ranting, helping out people and I’m left with none. However, this is not an excuse. At the end of the day, “If you want something, you’ll do what it takes to get it. If you don’t want it, there’s always an excuse no to get or do it” (Kung ayaw may dahilan, kung gusto palaging merong paraan)

So, am I starting to make excuses just so I won’t regret delaying school? Just because things or people doesn’t really go in my favor? After 2 years, can I go away with “I got tired” reason?

I don’t know. Sometimes, I have the tendency to take it all in and haven’t learned how to let go.

I wear different roles everyday and today, I am a student.

Later, I’m a daughter, sister and girlfriend. Tomorrow, a team lead responsible for 16 people. When will I be me? Just Mary. Is that even possible?

I don’t know.

But if there’s one thing I know, it’s that God is in full control. I have full trust in His plans, will, power and love.

And so I wait.

Ho ho ho. It’s time to go!

2012 is a big year for us. Not only does it signals the “end of the world” but a great surprise for our agents.
I’ts true that good thing comes for those who wait. And pity for those who won’t. I’ve been patiently waiting all my life. In fact, I’m so used to waiting that I’m not that sure about who and what do I wait for.

Today was a big day for the business too. More pay. More people are happy. I guess, its all about at the end of the day, not money but giving what’s due people.

Have a great weekend ya’ll!

7 Days Prayer and Fasting

The 7 Day- Prayer and Fasting starts today @Victory Alabang. Where everyone is encouraged to pray and fast to get fresh direction from God. 

I start to pray and fast with the whole church!

If I could do it all over again, I would (Insert answer here)

Happy New year! It’s been what? More than 2 years since I last posted in this blog. Truly, for my outdated thoughts. 

So I’m asking myself, now. Looking back but never with regrets. If I could do it all over again, I would do or not do what?

I would wait. Now I feel like I’m stuck in a life that is not really that bad but wrong. The thing about looking back is that you can’t change or get anything back. You just have to learn through those experiences and gather all your strength to move forward. 

How would I get back on track? Yeah, this is a question from the person who knows and coach people on how to get back on track. It’s easy to tell or give advise on what to do to other people but it’s the exact opposite to yourself. 

 

I feel like I have a lot to achieve, a lot to learn, a lot to give to the world for God’s love to be spread all over.. I want to serve and live for God but.. There’s always a but. How do I get out of this mess?

It’s hard when the very thing you want to get away from us right under your roof. 

 

So how Lord? I want to see how amazing, creative and powerful you can get on this one. 

Only you can show me the way out.

Trez Co

Back in the mid 90s where afternoon programs sensationalize and invented a show called T.G.I.S. (Thank God it’s Saturday), when we we’re introduced to love teams and barkada names. We created the same thing. Our barkada is called Trez Co. (Our Anniversary is every 3rd of May). It is composed of the Arenas, Dapito cousins and Pasadilla.

After more than 10 years: (Upper Left to right)

Kai is happy mom

Ate Lyra became a restaurant manager

Ate Jing is an Actuarial Science graduate

Joan is an interior designer

Mae is studying nursing with an adorable son

Grace found her true love

Ate Kris became a Doctor

and I become a Team Leader in a call center.

We don’t have communication with some of them now but I’m happy know that we become successful people, in fairness walang napariwara or something. We influenced each other to become a better person not the other way around.

Where are you? Hope to see you soon!

Sir

It is strange to think, I haven’t seen you since a month.

I have seen the new moon, but not you.

I have seen sunsets and sunrises, but nothing of your beautiful face.

The pieces of my broken heart are so small

that they could be passed through the eye of a needle.

I miss you like the sun misses the flower;

like the sun misses the flower in the depths of winter.
Instead of beauty to direct its light to,

the heart hardens like the frozen world your absence has banished me to.

I next compete in the city of Paris,

I will find it empty and in the winter if you are not there.

Hope guides me, that is what gets me through the day and especially the night.

The hope that after you’re gone from my sight,

it will not be the last time that I look upon you.

- Sir William, A Knight’s Tale

Ang tunay na lalaki

http://victoryortigas.org/2011/10/09/in-gods-image-by-noel-landicho/